First AFL Match of the Season, First Match of My Life

On Thursday I went to my first ever Australian rules football match, which is referred to here just as 'footy'. Spencer, wonderful guy and old school friend I'm staying with here in Melbourne, was kind enough to find another ticket for me. The match was the Carlton Blues vs. the Richmond Tigers at the MCG (Melbourne Cricket Grounds). With well over 60,000 in attendance, it was considered a light turnout for the first game of the season. The MCG is a massive stadium, and as we rolled up to the 'Members' entrance (One of Spencer's pals is a 'member', which means you enter on another side of the grounds, must have a collared shirt, and you can't drink at your seat, essentially less 'riff raff' I guess). All that considered it is still very much a people's sport. Our tickets were the most expensive at $30. The first ever recorded game of 'footy' started in Melbourne, which has brought about an interesting element in professional sports, not unlike soccer in England. The city of Melbourne has NINE teams, and they used to have more. While cheering for Carlton, I was actually cheering for the neighborhood I'm staying in. You can literally cross a few blocks and end up in a different team's territory. So with a meat pie and beer in hand I enjoyed an exciting game of Aussie rules football.



For those of you who know me well enough, sports isn't exactly my thing, but when looking around at a stadium full of people, coming to watch what are essentially two neighborhood teams play, the cultural significance of this sport cannot be ignored.
The last time regularly attended sporting events was the Blue Jays in the early nineties. So one thing I never experienced until now was the drinking. The stalls were just lined up the entire game with people buying beer. There was an entire quarter where we spent watching the game from a set of screens next to the bar, and we among many who were doing the same. Spencer mentioned that it nothing like Cricket, where people are drinking all day, so there's an actual song people sing when the cops invariably drag someone away during the match. Something to the tune of "you're an asshole", I can't remember the exact wording of it.
After an early lead, Richmond started to come back in the 3rd quarter, but Carlton one out in the end. Not only are there still nine teams within Melbourne, but every Footy team has their own song, that you get to sing if they win. Of course I didn't know how the Carlton Blues song went, but Spencer, a staunch Footy fan, sang it aloud with joy. I found it on the internet:

We are the Navy Blues
we are the old dark navy Blues
we're the team that never let's you down
we're the only team all Carlton knows.

With all the champions
they like to send us
we'll keep our ends up
And they'll know that they've been playing
against the famous old dark Blues.

Farmers Union Iced Coffee

I've been meaning to talk about this for awhile. And that is how popular iced coffee is here. It is so popular, in fact, that unlike anywhere else on the planet, Farmers Union iced coffee is sold more than Coca-Cola in the province of South Australia. Now that may not seem like anything big, except for the fact that it just doesn't happen anywhere else. Coca-Cola is the number one beverage everywhere. I've tasted it. It is delicious and sweet, and I love it, just for the fact that it is a tarnished stain on the record of a beverage giant.

Comic Expo & Rollerderby in Adelaide

Just a few weeks ago during the Adelaide Fringe festival I was invited by Kate, a friend who worked at the festival, to go see her Rollerderby team. As luck would have it, the Armageddon Expo (Adelaide's own comic-con) was taking place just next door. So in between the Rollerderby matches I went to geek out and get my space laser/dragon fix with another comic, Zack Adams.
As we walked around the stalls filled with swords/ninja stars/and photos you could buy to get signed by the 'celebrities'. There was an impressively accurate R2D2 rolling around, with a Darth Vader guarded by two storm troopers. At the end of the hall, Lance Henriksen, was finishing up his speech in front of hundreds of people. The stalls had white picket fences, leading up to the 'stars', like Renee O'Connor, who played Gabrielle in 'Xena: Warrior Princess,' as well as many other people who you might recognize if you watched a lot of daytime sci-fi/fantasy dramas. Instead of making you pay for their autographs, they make you pay for a photo to get the autographs on. Or you can pay even more to get a photograph with them.
I wonder how much the celebrity autograph/photograph market really counts in the overall world economy. When I watched the eager fans, lining up to get their signed photo of John Rhys Davies, I can't imagine that there is much enduring happiness achieved from getting proof of their fleeting moment with their television and film heroes. I can see them getting home, lining up all their figurines and singed memorabilia, and thinking, wow what an amazing day. But then they wake up in the morning, head off to their job, and are back at square one. Are they going to be sitting there, answering phones for whatever company they get paid to take abuse for , and right when they feel the hopelessness of where they are in their life sinks in, is that autograph of their favorite star going to really make them feel like it was all worth it? For their sake I hope it does, but I'm skeptical. Of course not everyone that goes to comic conventions is this sad portrait of a human being I'm picturing. Of course most folks who go to conventions are intelligent, creative and passionate people who I'd rather strike up a conversation with than anyone else on the planet. There's just someting about the fetishism of autographs that I think isn't healthy or coming from a good place.
For an example of some creative people. Here's some friends of the Tuxedo Cat, Pontip (Master Chief) and Calixta (Cheetara) who have more skills in costume making than I could ever hope for.
As I was walking through the isles, I suddenly heard the sound of a wrestling bell. We ran over to see a Battle Royal. After all these years it took me going to the other side of the planet and attending a comic expo to see some live wrestling for the first time. It was as unconvincing as you would expect a wrestling show at a comic expo to be. You can see the smiles from the audience while this one guy was getting choked out, he's clearly unconvinced.
The Star Wars people put together a life size action figure package. So I introduce to you, the lesser known, discontinued action figure. Sporty Christ!

Adelaide Part 2: The Tuxedo Cat

The Adelaide Fringe festival was a huge fucking success. My last week was basically sold out, and I didn't feel at all sad about it being over as I'm more preoccupied with what show to put together for next year.
Not only was stretching out and performing 18 one hour shows a great exercise, but going to see so much different styles of comedy was fantastic. There was a ballroom with 10 meter (that's right I'm going metric) ceilings, where the main bar was situated. The Tuxedo Cat ended up being a bit of a hangout this month, as when most bars would close up shop, the Tux's permit kept it open a few hours later. This allowed for some particularly late nights. Such as when Amanda Palmer held a secret show after her concert in the Tuxedo Cat ballroom.

The little princess was playing in the background. Cass (Cassandra Tombs, who runs the Tuxedo Cat venue along with her partner Bryan) really wanted me to get a shot of that playing as it's their daughter's favorite.
For the first week of my shows, I would immediately go downstairs afterward and hop behind the bar. It was a great way to get to know other artists and people frequenting the venue.
The building itself was originally planned to be demolished by developers, but was halted as the city declared it a historical building. Originally a Telegraph house, it then became a Life Assurance company, and several other skins, before being abandoned. While transitioning from one place to another I ended up sleeping in the ballroom one night. Having the old spooky mansion to myself was actually a pleasure, as I grew up on Scooby Doo and fucking love old haunted mansions. No luck on the ghost spotting though.
All the staff here were extremely helpful, fun, and laid back. I remember countless evenings where the right moment of the night would hit (normally around 4am) and we'd turn off the music and being to make our own. The place was just comfortable and open. The anti nightclub.
Another special night was when we threw a show together for the fringe staff, many of whom hadn't had the chance to see much, as they were busy working. The mix of talent, from famous to those who will be one day, was wonderful. The sharp witted Marcel Lucont hosted along with me in the back, tending bar with a microphone. The night was magic. Hard to describe. I'll let this photo hopefully do it some justice.
The quiet halls of this place were home for the past 30 days. What's even more amazing is that it was a temporary venue. This place converted from a shell of a building, back up to code so that five different rooms could be used to perform in, where dozens of shows took place in a month, and it was all for a one shot deal. Next year, I don't know where Cass and Bryan will set up shop, but I will certainly be there.

The beer garden was the backyard terrace built by James and his gang in a matter of days. This place ended up being a big hangout during the fringe. The bar was out of a modified caravan, and the only bathrooms (which were port-o-potties) where out here as well. The final night of the fringe, once everything else has closed down, everyone inevitably ended up out here to wrap up the festival.
It's getting late, so I'm going to call it a night. Needless to say this was a wonderful space that will very soon no longer exist. I'm glad I was able to be here for the short while that it was a reality.

Adelaide Debrief Part 1

Finally some photos to go along with these words. I've had trouble writing recently, because I know I've had all these photos to go along with the words and didn't want them to come staggered. So here it is! A final debrief of some of my experiences while here in Adelaide, and pretty pictures to go along with them. The blogs take only 4 photos each I think, so this Adelaide debrief will be in segmented installments. I may overlap some things in previous blog entries, but now with some photos to go along with it.
This city is surrounded by beautiful beaches, and one thing unique about them compared to other parts of Australia is that they are virtually unoccupied. There are just so many of them, and much less people relatively, that you just can't fill them. Just the other day I went out for my first surfing trip in Southport, SA.
It is one of those moments when you are looking at a postcard but it is moving. The waves were fairly mild that day, so it was a perfect time to go out & learn how to read the swell, and get comfortable on the board. The first time a wave picks you up on the board is distinct and exciting. There were a couple of times where I felt I was about to pick myself up, but by then I would be standing on the board in the sand (at least that's my excuse). From what I've heard, Byron Bay is the place to head for surfing and easy enough to get a job near the beach. So the plan is to pretty much spend the month of May there, and finally leave with ability to ride a fucking wave!

There's something about holding a surfboard that just makes you look rad. This might be just me, and it might have something to do with the fact that I still use the word 'rad'.


Here is James Potter. One of the finest humans, let alone Australians, I've met so far. He works with his partner Karen Schiller, an equally amazing individual, under the aptly titled company 'Landscape Construct' and a garden design company called 'Dirt'. I've been staying with them the past two weeks. For those of you who have read earlier blogs, these two are the ones whose back yard has every vegetable you can think of and many that you haven't. Not to mention several fruit trees, including pears, oranges, lemons, grape vines, olives and almonds. Oh yeah, and chickens for eggs. Basically they go to the supermarket for cheese. The dream of a year round garden, to live completely off the land is possible people, you just have to fly to the other end of the planet.
I'm spending this weekend heading out with the two of them to lay some cement on a job out in Hindmarsh, a suburb of Adelaide, which we will hopefully finish up the first two days and have Monday to go fishing. More on the fishing expedition next week.

Two shows left!

Last couple of shows have been full and amazing. I think I'm starting to get more people who have come on recommendations. The energy and expectation in the room just seems to be higher, and in turn has made the shows more exciting and energetic.
Tonight's show is sold out too, which takes a bit of the pressure off. As things wrap up here in Adelaide, I'm not feeling sad about leaving as much as I'm feeling excited about coming back next year. Marcel Lucont (a.k.a. Alexis Dubus) and I put on a show for all the fringe staff in the ballroom at the Tuxedo Cat. The place filled up and there were acts from all over the fringe. Marcel hosted on stage, while I co-hosted behind the bar in the back of the room. The show ran three hours, with over 17 acts, but people were up for it the entire time and afterward we danced!
DeAnne and I then rode I bikes home along the river Torrens as the sun came up. It's been nice to spend some time with such a good friend, as we often don't get to hang out this much, even when we were living in Montreal.
Got another good review. Planning to surf on Monday. I realize the only reason more people don't live here is because it's on the other side of the planet.

Edinburgh Venue Booked

Four more shows to go. 14 shows later I can definitely say I'm comfortable with over an hour. The idea of pushing myself to another hour next year is more exciting than it is daunting.
I found a new place to stay with James and Karen. Two of the most wonderful people on the planet, let alone Australia.
I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but these are the folks whom I'm going to go explore Coffin Bay (yes, the place where two great whites shared a guy two weeks ago) once the fringe is over. James and Karen live in a wonderful home just outside of downtown Adelaide. They have a huge back yard with a massive garden where they grow essentially all the vegetables they need along trees that provide olives, peaches, pears, limes, figs, apricots, oranges, mandarins, to name a few. They have chickens back there to provide eggs. There is very little they need to shop for as far as produce, because their back yard is as close to Eden as I've ever seen. If I wasn't going to be traveling all the time for the foreseeable future, I would want a setup exactly like this.
Something I forgot to mention as far as adjusting to things here in Australia, is the roads. I've never been to the UK, so cars coming from the left side of the road still takes some getting used to. After 29 years on this planet, it's hard not to look more on the wrong way of the road as you cross, only to be surprised as a car whizzes from a direction you inherently don't expect. I've got a handle on it now, but the first week I was here, there were some close calls. Hooray for life!
I've booked a venue for Edinburgh! I'll be in a 70 seater at 8pm (great time for a show) at the White Horse. It's a free venue, which means it doesn't cost me anything to book it, and it also doesn't cost anything to get into see my show. I figure, my first time over, I want to keep expenses low, meet some people, and set up something better for next year.
Tonight I'm going to see DeAnne's full show, and as many other ones as I can seeing as it's the last week of the fest.
I'm going to spend tomorrow at an internet cafe and properly dump a bunch of photos up. So you can see some of all this stuff I keep talking about. There are already some up here on facebook if you haven't seen them already.

Bike Safety!

I try my best to not make snap judgments on anything. Hastily relating an individual experience with a person place or thing, as the definitive on any subject is what leads people to believe that "All racists are lazy", or "Homophobes don't tip," something we all know has happened, but isn't necessarily an accurate description of every xenophobic queer-fearing person on the planet. Stereotypes are a tough one, some general truths can be equated to a cultural, sexual, or recreational group (Live Action Role Players seem to have a fondness for heavy metal music, if I want to know the best vegan restaurant in town, I'm going to ask one of my lesbian friends). Does this mean that all lesbians are allergic to meat? (Settle down) No. But the fact remains, if I'm looking for some awesome tofu, I'm asking my gay friend, because she'll know. All this is to say that there are characteristics within groups that are similar, simply because the same environment and lifestyle will bring about similar experiences, and those parallel experiences can influence one's style, eating habits, accent, etc.
This issue was raised to introduce a characteristic in Adelaidians I've discovered over the past two weeks. It is far less controversial than any of the former examples, but no less serious and that issue is... bicycle safety.
Yesterday I went to put a new tube in a bike that had been lent to me by Mel & Matt (the couple I've been staying with this past week). I didn't bring a helmet with me, as I was walking the bike to the shop. With the bike fixed, I had a few blocks to roll it over to drop it off at Matt's work. No less than half a block down the street I see a group of young guys that can only be described as thugs. As I pass by them on the bicycle, sweat band firmly in place and hair blowing in the wind, one of them stops smoking his cigarette and yells at me from the sidewalk:
"Oye, Rebel. Rebel! Where's ya helmet!"
It felt like I had been spotted in some kind of sci-fi film, and the discerning factor that I wasn't one of the pod people was the fact that I wasn't wearing a helmet. It's true that unlike Montreal, everyone wears a helmet here. I think bicycle safety must have been ingrained at an early age, and effectively too. I just wasn't expecting these group of kids, who looked like they would rob me for my bike, aggressively promote bicycle safety. But the fun wasn't over.
Feeling self conscious after the considerate message from the youths, I went onto the empty sidewalk and rolled along slowly. When I made it to a corner, I stopped and rested my feet on the ground. Seconds later, a man with long gray hair walked right up to me and pushed hard, yelling "Get your bike off the fucking footpath!" Then continued on his way. Now I know that there must have been a lot more affecting this man than his deep consideration of the city's bylaws, but wherever the hate came from, it still ended up all over me in the form of large concern for bicycle safety. All I could think of to shout back at him was, "I'm sorry you're not having a good day!" Seemed accurate enough, he yelled something back I couldn't hear. Angry people hate it when you don't get angry back.
That was all within the span of about 2omins. Then there was a short incident last week. I was driving as the sun was starting to go down, and a crazy drunk took a break from his ramblings to yell "Where's your fucking headlight!" as I drove down the street. In that case, I had it, I had just forgot to turn it on, which I promptly did.
I'm not trying to condone a lack of bicycle safety, all of these people have their points, however crudely delivered they were. It's just that in my 29 years on the planet so far, I have never come across such a strong public enforcement of bicycle safety, or any bylaw for that matter.
This is really not a complaint, just an genuine observation of some extreme examples of several unlikely characters, and their passion to civic duty. So next time you hear someone talk about how Aussies are tough as nails, slightly racist descendants of convicts; don't forget to add 'Bicycle safety enthusiasts'.

New Gigs and Digs

Adelaide, South Australia

Thursday March 3^rd 2011

My review finally came out in ‘The Advertiser’, which is the bigger paper in Adelaide. It was three and a half stars, which is not bad, but annoyingly close to 4 stars, which you use to help sell your show. The review itself isn’t a bad review, but it is a bad review, meaning that it is poorly written. Even a bad review will sometimes have quotes you can pull such as “engaging”, “hilarious”, or “I laughed so hard, I shit my pants.” But I challenge anyone who looks at the link to pull a quote from this convoluted and confusing mess. That is supposed to be from a professional journalist. Luckily some other reviews have come in like this one, which make sense and I can use. They at the very least give you an idea of what the show is going to be like.

Swung by the Adelaide Casino yesterday. Found out the Poker tables are only open at night, so I avoided flipping a coin with any of the crazy table games. I learned my lesson last time at a Casino trip while doing a Yuk Yuk’s weekend with Peter Anthony in Niagara Falls. Let’s just say that alcohol and black jack don’t mix. I definitely will be sitting down at the $1-$2 Hold ‘Em table before I leave Adelaide, and will report on the outcome.

Just got a text while writing this. I’ve been confirmed for the Town Hall Galas both this Friday and Saturday night. It’s a 900 seater, so I’m excited, and nervous. I’ll get some footage of it and post it next week no matter how it goes.

I’ve got to head out of where I’m staying now, and move into the Tuxedo Cat venue itself. There’s no plumbing, but there’s a nook way up at the top where I can crash. Definitely living the artist lifestyle. This will give me a good chance to really cover the Tuxedo Cat as a venue so you can get an idea of what it’s like. Expect a full report on the venue with photos soon.

Well I should be into town. I’ve been sitting in front of the TV watching old American shows like ‘Get Smart’, ‘Here’s Lucy’, and now it’s ‘Green Acres’. I’m out.