South Australia

So I'm back where I started this journey. Back to the land of Great White Sharks, 'The City of Churches' and supposedly the murder capital of Oz, Adelaide South Australia. Yes, apparently this is the place in Australia where the most people are murdered, and in the strangest ways. Supposedly more than a few people in Adelaide have been taken from this world, and then had the remnants of their mortal coil placed into small containers.
What I like about this place, (aside from the strange murders of course!) is its proximity to the earth. The real one that we haven't completely covered in cement yet. In the span of three days, I went crab fishing off a pier (or 'Jetty' in Australian), tended bar at my Adelaide Fringe venue the Tuxedo Cat for a punk rock show where the feature act was a Japanese band called 'The Jetboys' (where the lead guitarist got naked) and opening was a Melbourne band called 'Strawberry Fist Cake', went olive picking, fishing, wine tasting and surfing. This is what about love about the region. All you do is say 'yes' a few times and life is just waiting to hit you right in the face here.
First off, I landed in Adelaide and was graciously picked up by Bryan, the co-owner of Tuxedo Cat and his daughter, Scout. After taking almost a dozen flights since I've been here, being picked up at the airport has now become a huge luxury.


My first morning back I get a call from Karl "Thundershaft" Lyons (bitumen layer, Arborist, part-time bouncer at the Tuxedo Cat) who asks if I'd like to join him on the Jetty for some crab fishing. I said 'yes' and within an hour we were on Grange Beach where we tying fish heads to a net and tossing them over the side. After four hours, we had split a six pack of Jim Beam & Coke (I also had a tallboy of VB, which every Australian makes fun of here, but my brother in law loves it and I love him) and caught only three crabs. Two of which were too small, but one was well above size. The excitement of catching it was quickly replaced with regret for having doomed the poor guy to a boiled death. I'm still not quite sure on where you might draw the line between how much living creatures have awareness of their impending death. Crabs arguably just have a central nervous system, but whether or not they actually feel pain is debatable. I would now like to make a formal apology to the little sand crab.
Dear Mr. or Mrs. Sand Crab,
Sorry for leaving you in the kitchen for my friends to throw in a boiling pot. Thank you for being delicious.
Sincerely,
Christophe
Not the most sentimental I know, but humans are pretty brutal at the best of times. I am no different. My heart is as hard as a sand crab's shell.
That night was spent tending bar at the Tuxedo Cat. Like any music show, the bands started 2hrs late. The show was awesome, and had all the trappings of a good Tuxedo Cat show. Tons of booze, nudity, and the night ending when Cass discovered that the poo smell near the front of the stage turned out to be some cabbage.
After getting to bed around 5am, I awoke at 9am to start my weekend of olive picking with James. I stayed with Karen and James my last few weeks of the Fringe and already raved about how wonderful these two people are. They won't be able to house me next year as they are currently in the process of building their very own home in the countryside where they will essentially grow all of their vegetables, have chickens for their eggs, and live in a sustainable house eventually powered by the sun! That is way to fucking do it!
James and Karen's front porch view.

So this past weekend, James and I met up with his friends Damian and Matt, to pick olives in order to have them pressed for their yearly supply of olive oil. I was told this weekend was very sacred, and difficult to be a part of, but seeing as I can't take my share of the oil back home with me, I was a welcomed with open arms.


I had prepared myself for some hard, toiling work ahead, but being out in South Australian wine country, raking away at olive trees as they satisfyingly rained down into the tarp, I didn't for a moment feel like it was work. I'm sure if I had to do it more than two days a year I might feel differently, but it was absolutely gratifying to look at the over half ton of olives we managed to pick by the end of the weekend. Taking a photo of areas is nice, but I highly recommend getting your hands dirty and actually touching the scenery you admire.
We finished early on Sunday and managed to get some surfing in. The waves were coming on hard, and the battle just to get out on the other side of the break was the vast majority of the work. After surfing three times now, I'm amazed at how little time is spent actually catching a wave. So much of the basics is just learning how to get underneath the big waves that you are not catching, and reading which ones you can actually catch. I spent most of my time thrashing around, successfully imitating a wounded seal, but finally did manage to catch and ride one big wave. By 'ride' I mean on my stomach and knees. Standing up is going to take a few more tries.

Monday was spent fishing off an area that looks very much like photos I've seen of Scotland. No real fish biting, but the scenery more than made up for it. On our way home, we stopped by a winery to taste some of the region's best old grape juice, left with a few bottles, swung by a cheese shop and made it home for a great dinner with two of my favorite South Australians. I said it in the last entry and I'll say it again. To anyone who doesn't like South Australia...you're doing it wrong.

Queensland

My first experience of arriving in Cairns, in far north Queensland, was the plane descending into some clouds that looked different. Their shape indicated that they weren’t just hanging in the air, but brushed up against some solid surface. My apprehensions were confirmed when we broke out from the clouds to reveal our proximity to wall of green mountains covering the coastline, leaving only room for a small two lane road known as the Captain Cook Highway.

We exited from the plane onto the tarmac and the wave of humidity confirmed I was now definitely in a tropical part of the world. It was the middle of the night and I took a cab from the airport to a hostel type accommodation where I waited to be picked up by the woman who was running the shows for the next two days.

That day consisted of hanging at her place with the other Australian comedians, Lindsay Webb (a man who ability to associate words into puns, brings it to the level of high art) and Greg Fleet (a comedian whose adventurous past has given him an infamous reputation, but at present day I only found a selfless and considerate man with a tender heart).

Our first show was in Port Douglas, a smaller town about an hour north of Cairns. We did the show in a large wooden boat house called ‘The Sugar Hut’ or ‘Shack’ I can’t exactly remember, but it was formally used to house all the sugar cane years ago.

Next night was at the Blue Sky Brewery in Cairns, another great show. Instead of partying that night, Greg Fleet and I went back to our rooms so we could finish our books and trade them. Rock Stars!

I had a few days in between my shows and the arrival of some comedy pals who were on the Melbourne Comedy Festival Roadshow. So I rented a car, quickly oriented myself with the left side of the road, and drove along the coast and up into the surrounding mountain rainforests. Never having been in a rainforest before, the sheer density of the plant life is what struck me the most. You can start hiking into it, until you can’t see the sky anymore, but for a few cracks of light breaking through the leaves.

I also booked a trip out the great barrier reef to see what all the fuss is about. The boat goes out to three different reef sites. I ended up snorkeling one, and diving at the other two sites. The amount of colourful fish is unlike anything I had seen before in my life. I was lucky enough to catch a glimpse of a reef shark, which used to be in abundance, but are currently not something you’ll catch a sight of on the reef every day. There was also a large stingray floating by on one of the dives, although he looked pretty battered and worn out. Large sections of the reef were also shattered, and looked much like a forest after a fire. The people working on the boat told me that much of the broken reef was due to the recent cyclone that hit, and not just a result of global warming and ozone degradation. While diving through the reef, what really make me feel like I was in another world, more than anything, were the giant clams. These hundred year old creatures, with bright purple and neon blue flesh, look just like out of a cartoon, but they are magnificently real. The feeling of breathing while under water is most certainly something I will have to experience again. Traversing the reef and being able to control my upward and downward movement, just by how much air I kept in my lungs was such a unique way to manipulate my movements.

That night I met up with some friends at the comedy roadshow in Cairns, we had some beers at the Green Ant Cantina. A funky little bar with a refreshing ‘Green Ant’ brew.

The next day we took a trip to Josephine Falls, just an hour south of Cairns, where a natural rock slide and lagoon, included swinging on vines that actually held my weight.

The beauty of far north Queensland is difficult to describe. I’d never seen fields of sugar cane before, but stopping out a rural road you get a chance to see things which your eyes have never come across before. Like when the sun hits the sugar cane flowers and just beyond that there’s a rainforest covered mountain in the background. That’s close to a double rainbow.

I did make it back to Port Douglas on one of my road trips, to stop in for their Carnivale festival, which I didn’t see much evidence of anything different except several tent shops packing up. However I followed a sign to ‘Fresh Prawns’ off of the boat, and purchased a container of shrimp that I could not finish on my own. Sipping a beer on the docks in the sun, while feasting on shrimp, was most certainly a highlight of the week.

I’m missing a lot here still, but needless to say, Cairns was a great trip on all fronts, and I can’t wait to go back and do a show there again next year. There’ll be more shows to do and plenty more rainforest to cover. Going to bed now. I have more to share on my return to South Australia with Adelaide Comedy, and my weekend of crab fishing, olive picking, surfing, fishing and wine tasting. For those who knock Adelaide and South Australia...you’re just doing it wrong.

Okay...so here's what happened

Hey blog. So it's been awhile. I know I said I'd visit you more, but some stuff went down, and I'd rather not dwell on it. We still cool? Why am I trying to seek forgiveness from my own blog? I guess I have some blogging guilt is all. I might as well explain.
What started my initial hiatus, from what was a fairly well updated account of my trip to Australia, was being more sick than I can remember. After a few days of arriving in Melbourne I was hit with one helluva nasty lung infection. It was bad. I have never really had a headache my entire life, and suddenly, I was hit with pounding one that wouldn't let up until I finally took some Advil. What wonderful temporary relief! The next few days, if I wasn't on Advil, my head was so messed up that even standing up meant several painful spikes in my from the pressure, walking up stairs was the worst.
Finally went to the doc, who gave me some double strength anti-biotics the size of those mega multivitamins. Took those for ten days, and felt better, physically.
What was left in the wake of sickness was a serious case of the Blues (not to be confused with the AFL team, the Carlton Blues, who are currently having a great season).
I think after such a successful run in Adelaide, not performing for several weeks and being horribly sick was too steep of a drop too quickly. For those that know me (which would be all the four people who are most likely reading this) I am normally Mr. Optimism. If I was a Transformer they would come me "Optotron". If someone wanted to challenge my positivity they would have to step into the "Optogon". You get the point. But the month of April was a tough one for me. I was feeling very low. Which is strange because if I was a cold blooded giant lizard living on earth hundreds of millions of years ago, I would have been identified as an "Optosaurus Rex" (okay. okay...I'm done).
I met some wonderful people, saw some world class shows, and in the end tried some things on stage that created a whole different direction for my comedy, that doesn't require me to say a single word on stage. I also took a lot of great photos of pigeons.
So in the end, as it always will be, out of the crucible of loneliness and depression, came some wonderfully creative accomplishments.
I just hope it doesn't always have to be that way.
Enough of the whinging, onto some good stuff.
I arrived in Sydney and was able to perform at a bunch of great venues, which will no doubt lead to greater shows and opportunities next year. Only saw a very small bit of the city, but fell in love with the two adjoining neighborhoods of Newtown and the Glebe.


After a week in Sydney, I went to Tasmania, which is a beautiful place, and had two very different shows, one in a small country vineyard restaurant, where the audience ranged from 30 to 80, and then in a bar called the Lower House. The highlight, aside from a dozen Tasmanian Oysters for $13 that I ate right on the pier, would have to be going to MONA (Museum of Old and Modern Art). Which is essentially 1/3 of the private art collection of one man. David Walsh. I haven't looked up on him much, as getting different stories about him from different people, made him all the more interesting. The short story on this guy (all of it unconfirmed mind you) is that he is a self taught math whiz and made all of his money gambling.
I'm not much of a Museum guy to start with, but going through this place made me excited about what is possible from art. There's installations, paintings, videos, sculptures, and some pieces that blur the lines of categorical description. All housed deep in a 'Bond Villanesque' underground lair, dug out of sandstone. As you walk through the different rooms, you have an iPod with headphones that syncs to your location and gives you information about the art, interviews with the artist and more information that you simply cannot process in one day. For some photos of MONA and some of my favorite pieces, you can check out the album on my facebook page. The place just opened this year, but I am certain it won't be long until it is very well known worldwide like the Guggenheim or MOMA. It is most certainly of that level, if not beyond. Oh yeah...and it's free.
Another benefit of MONA, was some friendly staff member who I invited to my show. They ended up contacting a friend of theirs up in Cairns, and that friend's place is where I am currently writing this blog.
In fact for my entire trip, since February 10th, I have been relying almost primarily on the kindness of strangers and newly made friends for lodging. This has obviously made the trip possible financially, but more importantly it has introduced me to some wonderful people all over this country whom I never would have met otherwise. I will be writing another entry soon focusing solely on the kind and hospitable people who have opened their doors, offering their couches and spare rooms to this hairy six-foot stranger.
Now that I have come back to you blog, I don't want to let you go. There's so much more to cover, but I think I've done enough for tonight. I need to get some sleep so can get up early and drive along 'Captain Cook' Highway to visit 'Mossman Gorge'. If you think this sounds like Pirates of the Caribbean, you're right, and it looks like it here too. Photos of which I will show you in the next entry. Until then, here's some photos of pigeons that made me happy, even when I was feeling down.