Awards and chat shows.

The Oscars are playing here, only in the daytime. The King's Speech just won for best picture, I've got to get out and see it.
In other news I was on a live chat show last night. I was nervous about doing it as I've haven't done many of them before. The chat went okay, but I've still got some work to do on selling myself. There is a strange disconnect with working hard on having a great show, and being able to somehow pack that into a tiny soundbite that reflects the same fun people will have if they come to see you.
At the end of the interview Marcel Lucont (the host of the show, a character played by Alexis Dubus) always challenges the guest to a staring contest. Most of the other guests would last about ten seconds, some coming close to a minute, but all eventually backing down to the unblinking eyes of Marcel. That was until he came across me. What started out as a funny gag, turned into something more serious when about eight minutes had gone by and neither of us had blinked. As time went on, I was happier with the banter that we kept up between each other to break the silence. But with weary and watery eyes, we still didn't blink.
Finally we asked someone in the audience to look up the world record for a staring contest. There's still seems to be no official time, but the woman said about 17:48. We checked in again and we had passed fifteen minutes. Finally we decided to concede after we passed the supposed world record, so at eighteen minutes, we stood up and finally closed our sore and watery eyes. \I didn't know I had the hidden talent of staring, but now that I know I will only use my powers for good.
I was supposed to go exercise this morning, but instead I watched the Oscars and ate some ice cream and 'mint crisp' M&M's'. Such is life.

Last night was 'Frock up Friday' at the Tuxedo Cat. Which means guys and girls are supposed to wear a dress. Not having one of my own, Amy, who also does a show here, was nice enough to lend me one. The last time I can remember ever wearing a dress was when I was about 6 or 7 years old, when my sister dressed me up and showed me off the the neighbors.
It was a busy night at out back at the beer garden in the back of the Tuxedo Cat. I also went over to the Fringe Artist Bar which is in a park. That seems to be the one place where I've been able to log some hours on the dance floor (I did de-frock myself before heading out on the town). The artist bar ended up closing at 3am, with the last song being 'Echo Beach'. Not a bad tune, but I can't say it was the most satisfying way to cap off a dance party.
I ended up back at the Tuxedo Cat, until around 5am. At one point I fell asleep and woke up to some beer being poured down my sock. I have since discovered that it is a custom (at least in Adelaide, if not Australia) that you can fuck with someone if they fall asleep with their shoes on. However, if you have enough presence of mind to take your shoes off before you pass out in front of people, no one can touch you.
Shows have been selling well. I should be able to cover my airplane ticket by the time this Adelaide season is through, not the norm for a first time at a fringe, and I'm very excited about it. The response has been so positive that I'm already trying to figure out what to put together for next year.
I've also decided to take my show to the Edinburgh Fringe in Scotland this year. Normally you are supposed to lose ten to fifteen thousand dollars your first trip out there, but I've since discovered that there is a 'Free Fringe' option, where you basically do your show in a smaller pub, do the show for free, and just pass a hat out after the show. This way your not shelling out thousands of dollars for a venue, and could actually end up making a bit of money. DeAnne and Sarah came in last night.
Got another show in an hour. Going to put my head on,

Living, Under Some Jet Planes.

So I'm settled in my new place with friend's of Isla and Andy's. Matt & Mel live directly beside the runway of the Adelaide airport. This is not a complaint. I'll be uploading some footage soon of the planes landing overhead, it's nothing short of amazing.
Just watched 'The Castle', an iconic Australian comedy from 1997. It's absolutely hilarious and full of heart. Incidentally, the whole story surrounds a house which is built right next to an airport, so I watched the film as airplanes were literally soaring overhead and landing 100 metres away. It was the perfect setup to watch the movie.
I have yet to mention this, but I haven't had a cigarette since I've landed here. Not that I was a heavy smoker before, but I do loves me some tobacco. It's been a nice shift to keep off of it. I'm going to go for the whole 4 months if I can, and then see if I can just keep off them completely. I love smoking, but I also want to tell stupid jokes to my grandchildren, and need all the edge of making that a possibility I can get. The price also helps. A pack of cigarettes costs $20-$25, which causes cancer of the wallet.
My first review is in, read it here if you're interested. Four stars. Fuck yeah. To be fair I did ask the reviewer to give me stars, as I've never had any before, but it was their call on how many.
Dropped off my CD cover at the Office Works, so I'll have an album to sell after my shows starting tomorrow. I'm off to go do another 5min set at the mall. It's currently 4:13pm Wednesday for me. If you're reading this from Canada, that means, you are 14 1/2 hours in the past. So far the future looks good.

First week is through.

Tuesday Feb 22^nd Adelaide, South Australia

My bike chain broke yesterday. I guess that’s what you get when you pay $120 bucks for it at K-Mart. Getting over Sunday’s press show has allowed me to relax a bit and go see some of the other shows in the venue. Having a 6:15pm show time initially seemed like it could have been a bit too early, but it’s turned out to be a blessing in disguise as people come to my show right after work and then I have the rest of the night free to go watch other shows. So far I’ve seen three, and two of them have nearly no talking throughout the entire performance. It’s what DeAnne had told me about how this festival was going to show me that there’s many different ways to make people laugh for an hour that doesn’t necessarily include jokes or even having to speak.

I’ve been helping out behind the bar at the Tuxedo Cat the last couple of nights. It’s been a cool way to meet other artists, fringe-goers and a decent method of informing people of my show taking place in the same venue. It’s amazing how friendly and fun everyone involved with the venue is. I am so grateful for DeAnne getting me linked with the Tux and the people surrounding it. As soon as the fringe is over, there’s already plans in the works to go with some of the Tuxedo folks out to Coffin Bay, which apparently has some of the richest aquatic life in the region. James, the guy who oversaw the construction in the venue and who started these coffin bay plans, said that the surfing there is amazing, but there’s also a lot of sharks. The next day it was in the paper that a diver was eaten by two great white sharks...TWO! So although, I’m very excited about the prospect of fishing, I think I might hold onto my surfing aspirations for an area where you don’t get tag teamed by two great whites.

My first run is over, and including my pre-sales, I have already covered my venue fees for the entire festival. So after a bit of a shaky start, I’m in a much better place, and it looks like I will be at the very least breaking even on this thing. Last night was the first show which wasn’t full, about ten people, but it was a fun little crowd and for the second time, the oldest couple in the room were the ones coming up to me afterward and showing their support. So although it hasn’t been enough of a study group to write any scientific report, from the four shows I’ve done, it’s surprisingly the younger generation of Adelaide who are reacting more conservatively to my material. Weeeoode.

Today I move a bit closer to downtown, staying at friends of Isla and Andy’s. Matt is Australian, & Mel is from Hamilton, Ontario of all places. The two of them came to see the press show on Sunday and loved it, which helps my case in being a guest in their home. First reviews should be coming out soon. Can’t say I’m not nervous.

Alright, life doesn't suck.

Okay, so my last entries have been a little bit dark and bitter. What can I say, after traveling to the other side of the planet and having an okay show, then a 'good' show, I was feeling a little fucked up and lonely. When you've been doing something long enough that you think you have a handle on it, and it slaps you around a little, making you feel like you have no idea what you're doing, it can sting a little. Thank god for last night.
I was tripping balls for the show, because I knew that there were three papers coming in to review me and I didn't have many tickets sold. So I handed out some free passes, had some walk-ins, and the room ended up being full. Not only were there butts in seats, but they were there to enjoy themselves, thank...fucking...christ.
Aside from lobbying to fill the room, I also got in there at around 2pm to flip the stage around with two of the Tuxedo Cat techs. This was mainly to avoid the issue I had the first night of late-comers walking in and the door being right next to the stage, making it impossible to ignore them. With the stage on the opposite side of the room, people are now able to slip in/out without disrupting the show, which is huge. Moving stuff around added some more problems as there were holes and loose floorboards where the stage had previously been, so I was hurriedly nailing the floor back together about an hour before the show started.
With the new layout and a great crowd, I was finally in a place where I felt comfortable up there and was even able to branch out from my regular material. I was more honest up there than I think I've ever been before. The first two shows were a great adjustment period as I realized I was getting a big response when just talking about some of my experiences which related to my material, as opposed to just the straight material. Figuring out the subtleties of what people want to hear depending on where you are in the world, and more importantly how they want to hear it, is one of the bigger reasons I came over here and I'm glad it didn't take too many shows to pick up on aspects of it. With fifteen more to go, I'm excited about how far they will let me take some ideas I've had stewing in my head for awhile, but never felt there was a place to put them.

See Saw O' Comedy

So last night's show was sold out and a total blast, people came and talked to me after the show, and I was there to greet them (unlike the night before when I bolted from the room and hid). I've been doing this long enough that I know the ups and downs of good and bad shows, but there doesn't seem that there's any method of getting used to it.
Tonight's a big press night, so I've been papering the room, handing out passes, just trying the fill the thing so that there's some laughs present while several people judge my show for use in their publications. I've had some press before, but never directly aimed at a full hour performance. I have to be prepared for everything, but I sure as shit hope one of these Australian press agents likes the thing so I can just put it up on a wall and let the article speak for itself. Because then the next time, someone asks about my act, I can just point to a paper and say, "This is what he/she thought." Which is so much easier than pain of trying to explain to someone how hilarious your show is in a funny way. I have yet to hear a good response from any comedian to the question "You're a comedian? Say something funny." The only answer I can personally think of is "Fuck off." Less funny, but deserved and appropriate. I'm all ears if someone has any better ideas.

First fringe show in the can. Asshole: 1 Christophe: 0

So the first show is done, and much like other 'first times', it felt good at moments, even if it was slightly awkward, but it wasn't completely without pain either. During the first 20 minutes of my act I had people walk in late on 4 separate occasions, which isn't great, but having the door right next to the stage makes it impossible to ignore. One particular guy came in late, sat in the front row with his shoulders hunched over and his hands folded together in between his legs. It looked so strange, so I asked him if he was okay, and he said someone about being a theatre critic, and everyone 'ooooed'. Then he then sat there, stone-faced in the front row the entire time. What an amazing specimen of a human. The lack of respect it takes to come to a show you didn't pay for late, sit in the front row, and then say you're a critic in front of everyone. As much as I'd like to say, I was able to move on with the show without giving him a second thought, I couldn't. It wasn't that I was suddenly worried about him liking the show, (I'm sure he didn't, and that's quite alright as I've never developed my act with disrespectful shitheads in mind) but the fact that he was just sitting there in the foreground of my vision, sucking the joy out of the room the entire time, got to me.
I don't know what it was. I've never had trouble with that kind of thing before. I've always been able to set foot on stage and do my thing, regardless of what's going on in the world outside my 4x12 foot stage. I've done a show where my recent ex who cheated on me was wading through the crowd serving drinks, and the guy she did it with opened the show, and I had probably one of the bet sets of my life. But I just couldn't wash this guy out of my mind this time.
If he does a review you will be sure to see it posted in a later blog.
It doesn't help that the lovely couple who I am staying with were at the show as well, and although most of it really went well, my ecstasy story in particular (which has been killing every night in Toronto and Montreal) absolutely tanked. It's a good story, it's not like the thousands of people who've already laughed at it are suddenly wrong and these 24 people are somehow right, but man it doesn't make it feel any better.
This really wasn't even that bad of a show, some parts of it were great. Although the more I think of it, it was probably shaped the exact opposite way you would want a comedy act to go, that of a giant decrescendo. It's bringing me down to that dark little place you get to as a performer when a little a voice tells you "Okay you've had your fun. But now it's time to hang it up and go get a real job. Aren't you almost thirty? This one show was a clear representation of your true limits as a performer. Time to join everyone else in the rat race if you ever want to own a piece of property or god forbid, support children."
Fuck you little voice.
It really didn't go that bad.
Sure feels like it though.

Sore Feet

Wednesday February 16^th 2011, Adelaide, South Australia

It’s been weird getting up early, or at a normal time I guess. I’ve been waking up around 8am or before every morning and getting a full day of sunlight. The extra vitamin D doesn’t hurt. A second day of putting up posters and handing out flyers, this time from 9am to 4pm solid. Ran into a few places that had the “exclusive contract” with the companies that buy out certain walls and coffee shops, which I repeat is still bullshit. It costs hundreds of dollars to get even the minimum amount of posters done with any of the companies, and if you don’t, they’ll tear down your posters if you put them in their “contract areas”...well fuck ‘em. After spending seven hours walking around downtown Adelaide, I realized that it’s not even worth it, as these companies have so many contracts with performers, these designated areas are overcrowded and all of them get lost in the barrage of shows. However, by busting my ass, and putting my own shit up, I was able to get into a lot of independently owned stores & restaurants and be the only poster up there. Grassroots baby!

I also performed on the Caravan today. I was more nervous about doing 5mins in front of a bunch of disinterested people walking around an outdoor mall, than doing my show. Luckily it turned out okay. I couldn’t really do material, seeing as there are young kids around, so I went with the improvised singing thing with the guitar and it went over well enough. It’s been fun experimenting with improvised singing and guitar, or ‘Guitarprov’ if you like your performance styles boiled down to punchy and marketable single words (‘Guitarprov’ is trademarked & will soon be taught to adults who aren’t happy with their job, but can’t quit because of their crippling mortgage).

Finally jumped into the ocean today. Met up with the lovely couple, who are currently sharing their home with me, and jumped in the wonderfully warm water. The sun was coming down, which is when the girl got it in the opening scene of Jaws and statistically the time when sharks do come out to feed, so I kept my eye out the entire time.

I was late applying to the Sydney comedy fest, so it doesn’t look like I’ll be officially in the program, although I may be able to hop on here and there. I think I’ll be busy enough with Adelaide, and a short run in Melbourne, grabbing spots in Sydney, and then focusing the month of May on surfing. It's something I have always wanted to do, yet never had the chance before. Things will be more clear once Adelaide wraps up, but I’m started to get excited about the prospect of visiting the Queensland area, finding a old surfer guru and riding some waves for 30 days.

Bought a bike today at K-Mart for $120, which means I can now commute to and from town, without having to take an expensive cab, or catch the train (which stops at 11:30pm). I just have to figure out how to put it together first.

Return to Oz (only it's my first time here)

Monday Feb 14th 2011 8:58am Adelaide, South Australia
So it’s Valentine’s Day here in Australia and Barbie & Ken have gotten back together. To be honest I never knew they split up, but thanks to a five minute segment on Australian news, I discovered that they actually broke up in 2004. Apparently she shacked up with an Aussie surfer named Blaine...don’t worry, they are still friends. So that’s what “The Morning Show” thinks I should know, but I’m hoping to see something more interesting down at the beach today, hopefully not Barbie or Ken, because in real life that would be terrifying.
So I arrived on Saturday, and even though I was on the other side of the planet, everything was looking fairly familiar. So when you want to find subtle differences in a culture the best place to look first is their junk food. My friend Hunter had mentioned how amazing the crap was here, and sure enough, the first vending machine I looked into held bags of these...Burger Rings.
So many people had warned me about the long flight, talking of how ‘hard’ it was going to be. I agree that spending 30hrs in travel can be a little tough on the knees, but I can’t say it was that ever anything I would remotely consider ‘hard’. I guess it’s all the practice I’ve put in the past year doing absolutely nothing athletic. I’ve just become really good at sitting, watching movies, napping, and eating, whereas the more physically inclined, might have trouble with it, I excelled at being lazy for 30 hrs. A couple drinks at every airport is also highly recommended.
So far Adelaide is gorgeous. During the taxi ride from the airport I counted one piece of garbage, I really mean just one. I’ve never seen a place so spotless in my life. It looked like what I’ve heard of about Singapore, and nobody had to get hit with a cane!
Went through downtown Adelaide yesterday, picked up a cell phone, an adapter for Australian outlets (they’re called “Power Points” here). After picking up a cell phone plan with data, voicemail, texting, for $30, I saw once again how much Canadians get screwed with our wireless networks. Just like in the US, when you have a cell phone you can call anywhere in the Australia, and it’s not considered long distance. Canada is special that way. Now with the CRTC ruling, which would allow for these same companies to start a ‘pay-per-use’ billing system (also unique to Canada) we would be getting screwed at both ends. If you haven’t yet sign this online petition: and stop being the mild mannered Canadians we usually are and demand to be treated and charged the same as any other country. I’m getting on about this because I’m going to be away for 4 months and don’t want to come back to expensive internet please.
Okay, back to OZ. I checked out the ‘Fringe Caravan’ which is a camping trailer set in the middle of a pedestrian mall, and it is where I’m booked to do 5 minute sets to attract the average passerby to my show. I watched the apathetic families sitting on the bleachers and thought about my own position when I take the stage there. I won’t be doing any stand-up material. The plan will be to just walk around with the guitar and sing about anything, everything and everybody I see. I’m more nervous about performing in a mall then my actual shows to be honest.
I then checked out the “Garden of Unearthly Delights” which is the main fringe area. Some people would even think that the shows within Garden are the fringe itself, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. In fact there are 3,000 artists performing here every year, it’s overwhelming. Out of that, just under 300 are comedy shows, which is the same amount of acts that make up the entire Just For Laughs festival in Montreal.
I made it down to the venue “Tuxedo Cat”, which is in an old historic building called the ‘Electra House’. There are three floors and five different spaces for performances. They were still in the midst of setting up when I dropped by yesterday, and got to meet Cass, whose venue it is, and everyone else behind the Tuxedo Cat. The Electra House is a historic site, with a large wooden winding staircase, and an old elevator which doesn’t work, but looks really cool nonetheless. They have a bar, which has one show every night before it turns into a bar. The show consists of a pony, an opera singer and a stand-up comic, fighting for attention. Should be interesting, and I’ll make sure to post photos of that as soon as the fringe starts.
Here’s what else is different on the other side of the planet so far. The seagulls sound like crows here. For real, they look the same, but sound nothing like their North American counterparts. Also, 20c & 50c coin pieces are huge, while the 1 and 2 dollar coins are tiny as fuck...go figure, and Burger King is called “Hungry Jacks”.
Just received my posters and flyers for the show, and they look great. My first show is in four days, better start putting them up.

Tuesday Feb 15th 2011
I put up some posters today. The first coffee shop I entered had posters all over it. When I asked if I could put one up they said that I couldn't because they had an exclusive contract with a PR company. Basically there's a company that you can pay a shit ton of money to put up posters for your show. They work out exclusive contracts with shops to put up only their posters. That is such total bullshit. It's a fringe show for god's sake! Luckily I only ran into that problem the first spot, and found very friendly shop owners down the rest of the street. I also had a very strong case of Deja Vu while filling out a guest form at a gym just down the street from the Tuxedo Cat. So even though I've never been here before, I have 'Returned To Oz'. I really just wanted to refer to that awesome and haunting film starring Fairuza Balk.
Sound test today. Sounds great and makes my singing voice sound better than it actually is, which is wonderful.
I can't believe this country was a penal colony in the 18th & 19th century. Although I have never been to England, everyone including British people, have said it is a foggy, rainy place with crappy food. The prisoners must have giggled to themselves when being taken from the English Isle and dropped off on this tropical wonderland where you can have a garden year-round, fish all sorts of wonderful food from the sea, and pick mangoes. It's like being sent to your room, but you've got an X-Box in there.