Return to Oz (only it's my first time here)

Monday Feb 14th 2011 8:58am Adelaide, South Australia
So it’s Valentine’s Day here in Australia and Barbie & Ken have gotten back together. To be honest I never knew they split up, but thanks to a five minute segment on Australian news, I discovered that they actually broke up in 2004. Apparently she shacked up with an Aussie surfer named Blaine...don’t worry, they are still friends. So that’s what “The Morning Show” thinks I should know, but I’m hoping to see something more interesting down at the beach today, hopefully not Barbie or Ken, because in real life that would be terrifying.
So I arrived on Saturday, and even though I was on the other side of the planet, everything was looking fairly familiar. So when you want to find subtle differences in a culture the best place to look first is their junk food. My friend Hunter had mentioned how amazing the crap was here, and sure enough, the first vending machine I looked into held bags of these...Burger Rings.
So many people had warned me about the long flight, talking of how ‘hard’ it was going to be. I agree that spending 30hrs in travel can be a little tough on the knees, but I can’t say it was that ever anything I would remotely consider ‘hard’. I guess it’s all the practice I’ve put in the past year doing absolutely nothing athletic. I’ve just become really good at sitting, watching movies, napping, and eating, whereas the more physically inclined, might have trouble with it, I excelled at being lazy for 30 hrs. A couple drinks at every airport is also highly recommended.
So far Adelaide is gorgeous. During the taxi ride from the airport I counted one piece of garbage, I really mean just one. I’ve never seen a place so spotless in my life. It looked like what I’ve heard of about Singapore, and nobody had to get hit with a cane!
Went through downtown Adelaide yesterday, picked up a cell phone, an adapter for Australian outlets (they’re called “Power Points” here). After picking up a cell phone plan with data, voicemail, texting, for $30, I saw once again how much Canadians get screwed with our wireless networks. Just like in the US, when you have a cell phone you can call anywhere in the Australia, and it’s not considered long distance. Canada is special that way. Now with the CRTC ruling, which would allow for these same companies to start a ‘pay-per-use’ billing system (also unique to Canada) we would be getting screwed at both ends. If you haven’t yet sign this online petition: and stop being the mild mannered Canadians we usually are and demand to be treated and charged the same as any other country. I’m getting on about this because I’m going to be away for 4 months and don’t want to come back to expensive internet please.
Okay, back to OZ. I checked out the ‘Fringe Caravan’ which is a camping trailer set in the middle of a pedestrian mall, and it is where I’m booked to do 5 minute sets to attract the average passerby to my show. I watched the apathetic families sitting on the bleachers and thought about my own position when I take the stage there. I won’t be doing any stand-up material. The plan will be to just walk around with the guitar and sing about anything, everything and everybody I see. I’m more nervous about performing in a mall then my actual shows to be honest.
I then checked out the “Garden of Unearthly Delights” which is the main fringe area. Some people would even think that the shows within Garden are the fringe itself, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg. In fact there are 3,000 artists performing here every year, it’s overwhelming. Out of that, just under 300 are comedy shows, which is the same amount of acts that make up the entire Just For Laughs festival in Montreal.
I made it down to the venue “Tuxedo Cat”, which is in an old historic building called the ‘Electra House’. There are three floors and five different spaces for performances. They were still in the midst of setting up when I dropped by yesterday, and got to meet Cass, whose venue it is, and everyone else behind the Tuxedo Cat. The Electra House is a historic site, with a large wooden winding staircase, and an old elevator which doesn’t work, but looks really cool nonetheless. They have a bar, which has one show every night before it turns into a bar. The show consists of a pony, an opera singer and a stand-up comic, fighting for attention. Should be interesting, and I’ll make sure to post photos of that as soon as the fringe starts.
Here’s what else is different on the other side of the planet so far. The seagulls sound like crows here. For real, they look the same, but sound nothing like their North American counterparts. Also, 20c & 50c coin pieces are huge, while the 1 and 2 dollar coins are tiny as fuck...go figure, and Burger King is called “Hungry Jacks”.
Just received my posters and flyers for the show, and they look great. My first show is in four days, better start putting them up.

Tuesday Feb 15th 2011
I put up some posters today. The first coffee shop I entered had posters all over it. When I asked if I could put one up they said that I couldn't because they had an exclusive contract with a PR company. Basically there's a company that you can pay a shit ton of money to put up posters for your show. They work out exclusive contracts with shops to put up only their posters. That is such total bullshit. It's a fringe show for god's sake! Luckily I only ran into that problem the first spot, and found very friendly shop owners down the rest of the street. I also had a very strong case of Deja Vu while filling out a guest form at a gym just down the street from the Tuxedo Cat. So even though I've never been here before, I have 'Returned To Oz'. I really just wanted to refer to that awesome and haunting film starring Fairuza Balk.
Sound test today. Sounds great and makes my singing voice sound better than it actually is, which is wonderful.
I can't believe this country was a penal colony in the 18th & 19th century. Although I have never been to England, everyone including British people, have said it is a foggy, rainy place with crappy food. The prisoners must have giggled to themselves when being taken from the English Isle and dropped off on this tropical wonderland where you can have a garden year-round, fish all sorts of wonderful food from the sea, and pick mangoes. It's like being sent to your room, but you've got an X-Box in there.